The clarity of our path is not always clear. The road ahead, tho sometimes a welcoming path toward the light, fades away. And we are left to feel our way through an unfamiliar fog. It's at that time that we must be able to trust in God's guidance and that He never gives us anything we can't handle.
Alzheimer's is a mist that fills our course with uncertainty. "Be not afraid".
When I visit my friend, who travels this journey, I am constantly reminded of that phrase that has so often been quoted, sung about and used as a reminder that God is always with you. And God will guide you through the mist and fog to bring you home. I have had some experience with Alzheimer's patients in my hospice volunteering. But the people I met had already progressed to the final stages. Patience and reassurance are what I learned are most needed. Now, as I have watched my friend's memory start it's rapid deterioration, I offer him a hand to guide him forward on the path he is no longer able to see. He has no family, and his friends have fallen by the wayside. Now it is those kindly nurses and aides who help him to dress, eat and to use what he has left to carry on with life's journey. He always greets me with a welcome smile when I visit. But now he has started to become confused as to who I am exactly. He remembers, but then tells me I remind him so much of his friend that comes to visit him. Sometimes he can't finish sentences as he forgets what he was talking about. Sometimes he can't remember things we just talked about. Some visits are spent laughing and talking. Other visits he seems to be in his own little world. I can't bring him cookies or candies any longer as they seem to confuse him. He needs his routine to guide him. So now I bring him pictures of the bar he once owned and the people who used to bring him many memorable moments. He constantly worries about the cats he took in years ago. I reassure him that they are all OK. That's what I am there for. Reassurance. And to offer my hand from the mist. To guide and comfort him. To remind him to "be not afraid".
While bits of sunshine may peak through his thickening fog, the path will no longer be obvious. The hand that reaches out to him will become less and less familiar. I have prepared to become a stranger to my friend. The kindness of a stranger can mean so much. I have taken his hand and I will walk with him on his final journey. And we will have smiles and laughter along the way.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Kneel at the Cross
Last year, as I exited the church on Holy Thursday, I had a thought about the symbolism of the mass. With all of the feasts we Catholics and Christian's have to celebrate our religious holidays, why don't we have one to commemorate Christs last supper? So I decided that the next year, I would.
I invited a few friends over for supper. Somehow I felt that God approved as He supplied us with a beautiful evening which allowed us to eat in the garden, another symbolic gesture. I told everyone I would grill and do all the cooking. We broke bread and drank wine with our dinner in remembrance of the body and blood of Christ. We chatted and laughed over our meal as the sun set. My guests parted and I cleaned up. I had intended to walk up to church for a moment of prayer and adoration. Since the church was open until midnight, I felt I could rest a little before heading up. Alas, "the spirit was willing but the flesh was week". I nodded off and didn't wake up until 12:30. For my last supper meal I was rewarded with the experience of the apostles.
Writers, actors, and artists use life's experiences as inspiration. They seek out the emotions of the moment to put themselves into the hearts and minds of those they seek to lift onto the page, the stage or the canvas. As Christians, we should be seeking to lift Christ into our hearts and minds. We can do this by experiencing the emotion of His life and those around Him. Search for times in our own lives when we gathered for the last time with someone we loved. Been witness to a persecution of someone dear to us. Were betrayed by someone we trusted. Or denied knowing a friend for fear of being associated with them.
Tonight I felt the shame of Peter, John and Paul. Now I am ready to journey through the Stations of the Cross and then partake in the requiem mass of Good Friday. When you have Christ in your heart, this is a very emotional service. I can't imagine recreating the death and funeral of a loved one without feeling like a wound was reopened. But that's what Good Friday is about. Feeling the pain of Christ and his first followers. Not so much the physical, but the emotional. The silence as we leave the venerated crucifix in the barren church is intended to escort us to our homes, where the emptiness is a reminder of a life without the presence of Christ.
In contemplation of the journey through the pre-Easter services, it's a good time to ask ourselves; If we were an original follower of Jesus, would we have run to our home out of fear, or would we have been brave enough to kneel at the foot of his cross to be with Christ as he suffered? Seek out the emotion of the apostles and you will find your answer.
May you walk the journey to Calvary, find peace in prayer at his tomb and rejoice in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ this Easter.
I invited a few friends over for supper. Somehow I felt that God approved as He supplied us with a beautiful evening which allowed us to eat in the garden, another symbolic gesture. I told everyone I would grill and do all the cooking. We broke bread and drank wine with our dinner in remembrance of the body and blood of Christ. We chatted and laughed over our meal as the sun set. My guests parted and I cleaned up. I had intended to walk up to church for a moment of prayer and adoration. Since the church was open until midnight, I felt I could rest a little before heading up. Alas, "the spirit was willing but the flesh was week". I nodded off and didn't wake up until 12:30. For my last supper meal I was rewarded with the experience of the apostles.
Writers, actors, and artists use life's experiences as inspiration. They seek out the emotions of the moment to put themselves into the hearts and minds of those they seek to lift onto the page, the stage or the canvas. As Christians, we should be seeking to lift Christ into our hearts and minds. We can do this by experiencing the emotion of His life and those around Him. Search for times in our own lives when we gathered for the last time with someone we loved. Been witness to a persecution of someone dear to us. Were betrayed by someone we trusted. Or denied knowing a friend for fear of being associated with them.
Tonight I felt the shame of Peter, John and Paul. Now I am ready to journey through the Stations of the Cross and then partake in the requiem mass of Good Friday. When you have Christ in your heart, this is a very emotional service. I can't imagine recreating the death and funeral of a loved one without feeling like a wound was reopened. But that's what Good Friday is about. Feeling the pain of Christ and his first followers. Not so much the physical, but the emotional. The silence as we leave the venerated crucifix in the barren church is intended to escort us to our homes, where the emptiness is a reminder of a life without the presence of Christ.
In contemplation of the journey through the pre-Easter services, it's a good time to ask ourselves; If we were an original follower of Jesus, would we have run to our home out of fear, or would we have been brave enough to kneel at the foot of his cross to be with Christ as he suffered? Seek out the emotion of the apostles and you will find your answer.
May you walk the journey to Calvary, find peace in prayer at his tomb and rejoice in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ this Easter.
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